She's gone

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

My grandma has breathed her last this morning peacefully. Unlike my mum who struggled to breathe her last, my dad and sisters told me that my grandma departed peacefully. And today is Friday, a blessed day.

Questions remain as to what is my attitude as a muslim toward my grandma who claimed herself to be a Buddhist, a vegetarian Buddhist who believed in at least a God. There are arguments that a muslim should not pray for forgiveness for a non-muslim. This maybe quoted from the Quran when Prophet Ibrahim (as) prayed for forgiveness for his father.

"It is not (fit) for the Prophet and those who believe that they should ask forgiveness for the polytheists, even though they should be near relatives, after it has become clear to them that they are inmates of the flaming fire. And Ibrahim asking forgiveness for his sire was only owing to a promise which he had made to him; but when it became clear to him that he was an enemy of Allah, he declared himself to be clear of him; most surely Ibrahim was very tender-hearted forbearing."

~ The Holy Qur'an, Surah at-Tawbah (Chapter 9, The Repentance) verses 113-114

It is described very clearly in Surah Mariam (verses 42-50) and Surah Al-An'am (verses 74-81) that Prophet Ibrahim's father was a clear polytheist. As we know that no one will know the true belief of anyone else because there is no way that we can judge someone's faith (only ALLAH and the Prophets who were given the guidance by ALLAH can see someone's faith and what is hidden in the heart), how can we know if someone is believing or not? Someone at one point might not believe but who knows when the person is near his/her death, will ALLAH give him/her the guidance at that crucial moment of life? Seriously, no one knows except ALLAH. Whatever the person claims about him/herself, we will take it as correct. If a muslim said he/she is a muslim, then we believe so. This applies to non-muslim as well.

So, can I pray for my grandma? I don't know. Clearly, I don't know her faith after a long while I didn't see her. But I know that she was a Buddhist. Those that destine to Hell Fire forever are those who reject (kafir) and hypocrites (munafiq). Not all non-muslims are kafirun. Imam al-Ghazali said that if a non-muslim has not been told about the beauty and true teaching of Islam, it is unlikely that he/she will be judged on the Day of Judgement as a kafir. This is simply because he/she has never REJECTED Islam since he/she doesn't know what is the real teaching of Islam. Of course, we won't know what will happen to these people but surely ALLAH with HIS names ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim which carry the same connotation of merciful, gracious, kind, loving, benevolent, etc. is the Most Merciful of all. HE uses these two beautiful names the most frequent in the Qur'an - Bismillahi-Rahman-i-Rahim. And in a hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) said that ALLAH's mercy encompases HIS wrath. HE still has mercy to those who reject HIM by providing sustainance for them to live in this World.

Will HE be merciful to my grandma and mum who I don't know if they had ever come across the real teaching of Islam? In the Qur'an, in several places, ALLAH says,

Yes! whoever submits himself entirely to Allah and he is the doer of good (to others) he has his reward from his Lord, and there is no fear for him nor shall he grieve.

~ The Holy Qur'an, Surah al-Baqarah (Chapter 2, The Cow) verse 112

This verse doesn't just apply to the muslims, but also others like the Jews, the Christian, the Sabian, etc. Of course, I don't know what actually will be the correct situation. According to some scholars (e.g., Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad), ALLAH's mercy is there for us to ask. Ultimately, HE will decide and judge in the most just manner on the Day of Judgement. Think about this, if there is a muslim who has never done a good deed and there is a non-muslim (I'm not talking about kafir) who always does good deeds and well-known for his/her kindness, who deserves rewards on the Day of Judgement? Of course, it would be better if he/she submits to ALLAH and does good deeds.

Of all the arguments that I have read and asked from scholars, the answers are:

1. No, because they are not muslims and you can't pray for them, even if they are your kins
2. No, but you can pray for their guidance if they are still alive
3. No, but you don't know how vast ALLAH's mercy is, maybe HE will accept your supplication
4. Yes, because ALLAH is so merciful and they are your kins who had been responsible in taking care of you and bringing you up, and they have never been shown the true teaching of Islam (hence have never been kafirun), surely ALLAH is not going to foresake your cry for the good of these people that have bring you up and now that you are a muslim
5. Yes, because you can't judge their faith and only ALLAH knows. Just ask from ALLAH.

One very interesting answer that I received was when I went to Rihla 2007 and had the chance to ask Shaykh Abdalla bin Bayyah. He said (I hope I have paraphrased it correctly), what is going to happen in the Akhirah, no one knows. We don't even know if the kinship and tie between mother and daughter will still remain. Whatever that is in this World, we can try our best to do what is good and right but in the Akhirah, it is no longer in our slightest control. What is important now is what we are doing in this World and what will happen in the Akhirah to anyone else, seriously, cannot be in our concern.

I don't have a concrete conclusion but I can only hope for the best for myself and those who I care and love.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

Departure

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

No, not yet but soon inshaALLAH. I hate departure, I hate leaving people and I feel worse if people leave me. I feel more painful if someone leaves me but less if I am leaving others. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I feel an emptiness if some I love and care of left me. Maybe it's because when I am leaving, there are more challenges and problems for me to face and think of on my journey and arriving at a new place. Anyway, I know I will soon face another great departure in my life.

I think we can divide departure in my life into two types. The first one is death. That's when my mum left us 8 years ago. That is among the worst time of my life. I can still vividly remember the moment she slipped away from us on the bed at the cancer unit. That is still affecting me everytime I thought about it and soon I know that another departure will come when my grandma is going to leave us soon. She is now in the hospital. She didn't wake up since Friday but her heart rate, blood pressure and respiration are all normal. The doctor said she will not live long and I am gutted that I won't be able to see her now. She is very old and has been through a very tough life. This is what makes her strong and she manages to endure the pain and illness for these many years. For her to depart from this world in a peaceful and painless manner, I think it is the best for her. No one is particularly sad at home because it is really a good way for her to go. I hope that in her heart she believes in one God and attains salvation in the hereafter.

The second type of departure is leaving a place forever or move to live in a different place. This happens to me twice. First was when I moved from my hometown to pursue my first degree in another town. I had to get a plane to travel there. I didn't feel sad at all but just exciting. It's only the first night at the hostel that I finally cried by myself missing home. After that, there were just so many things happened that I didn't have the time to think anything else. My second time was when I left Malaysia to do my PhD here in Cambridge. It was sad when I know that I am going to leave the people that I love. Tears bursted out not out of sadness but fear that I won't be able to see them again. I didn't feel sad when I arrived here because of so many problems and difficulties that I have to face here when I have arrived. My friends sent me off at the Senai airport and I travelled alone to Kuala Lumpur and to London Heathrow. Upon my arrival at Heathrow airport, a sister whom I have never met before picked me up to her house, gave me some useful culterly and sent me off to a bus stop at Guildford and caught a coach to Cambridge. Here, two brothers picked me up from the bus station and sent me to New Hall.

I know soon I will be facing another one. I don't know how am I going to face this one. I keep telling myself that it's just another departure and inshaALLAH I'll come back to see my friends again here in the future. But that doesn't help to make me feel any better. Inevitably I will feel sad for losing people that I love but I think there is a lesson to learn. A friend gave me this message:

When God takes something from your grasp, He is not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

What I need to do is to look forward for things that are coming, for there is God's Grace there. Of course, I will not forget the good memories of those who I have left. Friendships and sisterhood is something that I treasures that most. There is no way that I will want to break the ties but I know that to keep the ties as tight as I am here will not be possible when I have left. People always say friendship is forever, it's true in some sense but the intensity will never be the same forever. Another lesson that I have learnt from all these departures are that if we are talking about forever, there will never be a 'forever' for the matters of this World and with humans. The only eternity is ALLAH. Probably, the lesson to draw from departures is that we come to the conviction that ALLAH is the only one that will stay forever, be there for us forever and will never leave us forever. No matter how much we love someone or other loves us, they can't stay with us forever, if not mobility at least death. ALLAH in the first place has not been given life and of course HE will not die, so HE is the only being that will stay forever and ultimately the closest to us. Hence, the ultimate love for a human is to ALLAH, if one is to attain true happiness.

Oh ALLAH, The Eternal, fix my heart, my love and myself to YOU so that I won't be sad on every departure in my life again, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

Submitted!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, all praises due to ALLAH, the Lord of the Universe. By HIS Grace, I've finally submitted my thesis to the Board of Graduate Studies yesterday. It's a burden off my shoulders but there is a bigger test to come - viva-voce examination, which will be scheduled on 12 May 2009 inshaALLAH. Lot's to prepare before the viva, please make dua for me.

Wassalam.