Mother's Day

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

The UK celebrates Mother's Day on the fourth Sunday in Lent (around April) but Malaysia celebrates Mother's Day on the second Sunday of May (following the US?) which is this Sunday. In fact, every country has its own different date for the Mother's Day. Almost every month there is a Mother's Day somewhere in the world. Practically saying, shouldn't it be a Mother's Day everyday? Well, no harm in celebrating such a day specifically once a year as long as it is not taken as a holy day that is associate with ritual or religious practice and not celebrated in a lavish fashion.

I actually don't really celebrate Mother's Day anymore since 9 years ago. Mother's Day is to honour a mum when she is alive, what can we do when she is no more on this Earth? Of course, one can still pray, but can I? (see previous post). Mother's Day is not in my diary but today as I was checking facebook, I came across a piece of note written by a friend. It's not something new but it's something that I have long forgotten.

A boy gave his mum a 'bill' stating that:

1. Helping mum to buy a bottle of ketchup from the shop - £2.00

2. Helping mum to look after her baby daughter - £5.00 per hour

3. Helping mum to turn on the kettle - £1.00

4. Helping mum with the laundry - £3.00

5. Helping mum to carry her shopping - £3.50

Total payment for today - £14.50

He gave his mum the 'bill' and the mum smiled. She then turned over the sheet of paper and wrote:

1. 9-month pregnancy carrying you - FREE

2. Sleepless nights looking after you - FREE

3. Breast-feeding you - FREE

4. Changing your nappies - FREE

5. Put you to sleep every night - FREE

Total payment of my love to you - absolutely FREE

Upon reading that, tears started to roll down from the boy's cheeks.

Happy Mother's Day! Tell her you love her everyday before she can't hear it anymore. Give her your warmest hug before she is not there for you anymore. Surely the Paradise is on mother's feet.

Wassalam.

She's gone

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

My grandma has breathed her last this morning peacefully. Unlike my mum who struggled to breathe her last, my dad and sisters told me that my grandma departed peacefully. And today is Friday, a blessed day.

Questions remain as to what is my attitude as a muslim toward my grandma who claimed herself to be a Buddhist, a vegetarian Buddhist who believed in at least a God. There are arguments that a muslim should not pray for forgiveness for a non-muslim. This maybe quoted from the Quran when Prophet Ibrahim (as) prayed for forgiveness for his father.

"It is not (fit) for the Prophet and those who believe that they should ask forgiveness for the polytheists, even though they should be near relatives, after it has become clear to them that they are inmates of the flaming fire. And Ibrahim asking forgiveness for his sire was only owing to a promise which he had made to him; but when it became clear to him that he was an enemy of Allah, he declared himself to be clear of him; most surely Ibrahim was very tender-hearted forbearing."

~ The Holy Qur'an, Surah at-Tawbah (Chapter 9, The Repentance) verses 113-114

It is described very clearly in Surah Mariam (verses 42-50) and Surah Al-An'am (verses 74-81) that Prophet Ibrahim's father was a clear polytheist. As we know that no one will know the true belief of anyone else because there is no way that we can judge someone's faith (only ALLAH and the Prophets who were given the guidance by ALLAH can see someone's faith and what is hidden in the heart), how can we know if someone is believing or not? Someone at one point might not believe but who knows when the person is near his/her death, will ALLAH give him/her the guidance at that crucial moment of life? Seriously, no one knows except ALLAH. Whatever the person claims about him/herself, we will take it as correct. If a muslim said he/she is a muslim, then we believe so. This applies to non-muslim as well.

So, can I pray for my grandma? I don't know. Clearly, I don't know her faith after a long while I didn't see her. But I know that she was a Buddhist. Those that destine to Hell Fire forever are those who reject (kafir) and hypocrites (munafiq). Not all non-muslims are kafirun. Imam al-Ghazali said that if a non-muslim has not been told about the beauty and true teaching of Islam, it is unlikely that he/she will be judged on the Day of Judgement as a kafir. This is simply because he/she has never REJECTED Islam since he/she doesn't know what is the real teaching of Islam. Of course, we won't know what will happen to these people but surely ALLAH with HIS names ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim which carry the same connotation of merciful, gracious, kind, loving, benevolent, etc. is the Most Merciful of all. HE uses these two beautiful names the most frequent in the Qur'an - Bismillahi-Rahman-i-Rahim. And in a hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) said that ALLAH's mercy encompases HIS wrath. HE still has mercy to those who reject HIM by providing sustainance for them to live in this World.

Will HE be merciful to my grandma and mum who I don't know if they had ever come across the real teaching of Islam? In the Qur'an, in several places, ALLAH says,

Yes! whoever submits himself entirely to Allah and he is the doer of good (to others) he has his reward from his Lord, and there is no fear for him nor shall he grieve.

~ The Holy Qur'an, Surah al-Baqarah (Chapter 2, The Cow) verse 112

This verse doesn't just apply to the muslims, but also others like the Jews, the Christian, the Sabian, etc. Of course, I don't know what actually will be the correct situation. According to some scholars (e.g., Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad), ALLAH's mercy is there for us to ask. Ultimately, HE will decide and judge in the most just manner on the Day of Judgement. Think about this, if there is a muslim who has never done a good deed and there is a non-muslim (I'm not talking about kafir) who always does good deeds and well-known for his/her kindness, who deserves rewards on the Day of Judgement? Of course, it would be better if he/she submits to ALLAH and does good deeds.

Of all the arguments that I have read and asked from scholars, the answers are:

1. No, because they are not muslims and you can't pray for them, even if they are your kins
2. No, but you can pray for their guidance if they are still alive
3. No, but you don't know how vast ALLAH's mercy is, maybe HE will accept your supplication
4. Yes, because ALLAH is so merciful and they are your kins who had been responsible in taking care of you and bringing you up, and they have never been shown the true teaching of Islam (hence have never been kafirun), surely ALLAH is not going to foresake your cry for the good of these people that have bring you up and now that you are a muslim
5. Yes, because you can't judge their faith and only ALLAH knows. Just ask from ALLAH.

One very interesting answer that I received was when I went to Rihla 2007 and had the chance to ask Shaykh Abdalla bin Bayyah. He said (I hope I have paraphrased it correctly), what is going to happen in the Akhirah, no one knows. We don't even know if the kinship and tie between mother and daughter will still remain. Whatever that is in this World, we can try our best to do what is good and right but in the Akhirah, it is no longer in our slightest control. What is important now is what we are doing in this World and what will happen in the Akhirah to anyone else, seriously, cannot be in our concern.

I don't have a concrete conclusion but I can only hope for the best for myself and those who I care and love.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

Departure

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

No, not yet but soon inshaALLAH. I hate departure, I hate leaving people and I feel worse if people leave me. I feel more painful if someone leaves me but less if I am leaving others. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I feel an emptiness if some I love and care of left me. Maybe it's because when I am leaving, there are more challenges and problems for me to face and think of on my journey and arriving at a new place. Anyway, I know I will soon face another great departure in my life.

I think we can divide departure in my life into two types. The first one is death. That's when my mum left us 8 years ago. That is among the worst time of my life. I can still vividly remember the moment she slipped away from us on the bed at the cancer unit. That is still affecting me everytime I thought about it and soon I know that another departure will come when my grandma is going to leave us soon. She is now in the hospital. She didn't wake up since Friday but her heart rate, blood pressure and respiration are all normal. The doctor said she will not live long and I am gutted that I won't be able to see her now. She is very old and has been through a very tough life. This is what makes her strong and she manages to endure the pain and illness for these many years. For her to depart from this world in a peaceful and painless manner, I think it is the best for her. No one is particularly sad at home because it is really a good way for her to go. I hope that in her heart she believes in one God and attains salvation in the hereafter.

The second type of departure is leaving a place forever or move to live in a different place. This happens to me twice. First was when I moved from my hometown to pursue my first degree in another town. I had to get a plane to travel there. I didn't feel sad at all but just exciting. It's only the first night at the hostel that I finally cried by myself missing home. After that, there were just so many things happened that I didn't have the time to think anything else. My second time was when I left Malaysia to do my PhD here in Cambridge. It was sad when I know that I am going to leave the people that I love. Tears bursted out not out of sadness but fear that I won't be able to see them again. I didn't feel sad when I arrived here because of so many problems and difficulties that I have to face here when I have arrived. My friends sent me off at the Senai airport and I travelled alone to Kuala Lumpur and to London Heathrow. Upon my arrival at Heathrow airport, a sister whom I have never met before picked me up to her house, gave me some useful culterly and sent me off to a bus stop at Guildford and caught a coach to Cambridge. Here, two brothers picked me up from the bus station and sent me to New Hall.

I know soon I will be facing another one. I don't know how am I going to face this one. I keep telling myself that it's just another departure and inshaALLAH I'll come back to see my friends again here in the future. But that doesn't help to make me feel any better. Inevitably I will feel sad for losing people that I love but I think there is a lesson to learn. A friend gave me this message:

When God takes something from your grasp, He is not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

What I need to do is to look forward for things that are coming, for there is God's Grace there. Of course, I will not forget the good memories of those who I have left. Friendships and sisterhood is something that I treasures that most. There is no way that I will want to break the ties but I know that to keep the ties as tight as I am here will not be possible when I have left. People always say friendship is forever, it's true in some sense but the intensity will never be the same forever. Another lesson that I have learnt from all these departures are that if we are talking about forever, there will never be a 'forever' for the matters of this World and with humans. The only eternity is ALLAH. Probably, the lesson to draw from departures is that we come to the conviction that ALLAH is the only one that will stay forever, be there for us forever and will never leave us forever. No matter how much we love someone or other loves us, they can't stay with us forever, if not mobility at least death. ALLAH in the first place has not been given life and of course HE will not die, so HE is the only being that will stay forever and ultimately the closest to us. Hence, the ultimate love for a human is to ALLAH, if one is to attain true happiness.

Oh ALLAH, The Eternal, fix my heart, my love and myself to YOU so that I won't be sad on every departure in my life again, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

From Kuching

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

As my work has catching up the momentum after the break to Athens, I don't want to blog until I have finished at least 1 chapter but today my sister emailed me a whole lots of pictures from Malaysia. I'm thrill of course and wished I can join them. Alhamdulillah to know that they are fine, especially my grandma.

This is the sister who sent me the photos, she is 3 years younger than me, she graduated with First Class and now a teacher. That's my father (papa) on her left.

She and her husband - registered but not wedded yet (according to culture)

From left, my younger sister (5 years younger), final year in uni doing Pharmacy; my youngest sister, now doing STPM; papa; the sister who sent me the photos and my youngest brother

They went fishing

Fishing is papa's hobby, ever since I have memory. He went fishing like every weekend. I went with him sometime to catch crabs.

My grandma (popo) birthday party! She is 91, mashaALLAH. The far left is my uncle (papa's younger brother). The far right is my cousin with his son and wife. Next to his wife is my uncle's wife.

Wow, a big cake! Popo must be very happy, only that she cannot really talk and has really weak hearing. Her eye-sight is still fine, alhamdulillah

Popo ate the cake herself, didn't need any assistance!

Though she can't walk that my brother has to carry her up to the place where they had her birthday party

My brother (got his hair shaved!) has to go to this stupid National Service in that ugly uniform. The second right is my step mum

They went to visit relatives during Chinese New Year

Papa bought a new car after my youngest sister passed her driving test - we are poor (papa has lots of debts which I hope I can pay off after I have finished my study) but since my sister and my step mum both want to drive, papa has to please them both

That's my niece which I've never met before. She is my elder sister's second daughter

That's all. Oh ALLAH, guide them to the straight path.

Wassalam.

Moving

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

I have always been thinking of moving from my current house. Not because I don't like the house and the housemates but because of the location and most importantly I need my very own privacy when I am at home. I have always been thinking of a 1-bed flat or studio but it is always way too expensive that I cannot afford it. Alhamdulillah, yesterday I found one at Mill Road which is very reasonable and all the bills are inclusive (around £400.00 monthly, like many of the double rooms in a shared house) and today I went to view the room and quite like it except it is just right next to the busy Mill Road. I know I am not a person who is easily get distracted by noise of vehicles cause I have been used to it since I was young. I grew up in a big city and lived most of my life in cities. Mill Road isn't that bad after all except those drunk, drugs and homeless people. CCTVs are everywhere and the new house is not in front of a deserted small lane but on the main street. As long as I am not coming home like after midnight, there will still be lots of people on the street and inshaALLAH it is safe. I like the location because it is very near the mosque and all the places where I usually do my shoppings.

Talking about having my own privacy at home. I don't know what kind of person I am, I like to socialise with people when I am not at home and many say that I am a very friendly person but when I am at home, I like to keep to myself and not to talk to anyone. I honestly hope that I have not offended any of my previous and current housemates. I hope they don't think that I hate them when I hardly join them chatting and laughing in the kitchen or living room. I am not working all the time in my room but just prefer to have the time for myself. Probably I'm the kind of wierdo who would allocate time to socialise and time to be by myself. When it's time for others, I will get out of the house and spend my time for that. So, when I get home, I shut myself up. Very not normal and I think I am an extremist to compartmentalise my time in this context. I think I have developed this since my teenage. I was lively, energetic and knew nearly everyone in the school when I was at school but at home, I tried to clear a room in the attic to make my own space even though I was sharing a room with my elder sister. At the end, my parents had to surrender to my will and gave me a bed and a desk in the attic. I couldn't understand these 2 different complete opposite characteristics of my ownself. When I was doing my undergraduate degree, I was closer to my friends (many of them) than my roommates. My roommates only become close to me after we didn't stay together again. I don't know if this is a good sign for marriage, but I hope it is just for temporal.

Anyway, hope the new room will help me to get my work done faster and better. InshaALLAH it will be good for me and others. May ALLAH grant me peace and safety while staying in this new room.

Wassalam.

Birthday

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Birthday is the day when you celebrate your mum's effort and hardship to give birth to you on that very day, if not for her, there will be no birth-day for me, so why celebrate myself? I love my mum, I wish she can hear this...

Thank YOU, ALLAH, for my birthday. Alhamdulillahi robbila'lamin.

Wassalam.

Eid card from my family

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,


Though they are not Muslims, they are my family, my loves, my life. Even the Prophet (saw) said, if you are you give charity, make your family members the first priority. I love them as how they accept me as I am. Thanks for the card! It's priceless!

Who said once you become a Muslim, you will never have your family again? This is such a big misconception among the community, not just in Malaysia, I think all over the world, especially the non-muslim countries. The misconception in Malaysia is that, once you choose to become a Muslim, you are basically choose to become a Malay, meaning that you are no more your ethnic origin. How rubbish is that! You can't change your ethnic origin, ever. If you are a born Chinese, you are a Chinese forever, likewise if you are a Malay, you are always a Malay. If you can change your ethnic origin, why don't just say, well, I think I'm English or Jew or Arab??? Changing a faith is just changing what you believe in, not changing your identity. I still celebrate Chinese New Year and other Chinese traditional festivals which are not contradict with the teaching of Islam.

A religion doesn't belong to a group of people of the same ethnicity. If it does, it's not a religion, it's a tradition. Judaism for the Jews, Sikhism for the Sikhs, even the name of the religions have already claimed the ethnic groups they belong to, now can we say that it's a religion? Think again. Islam is for those who submit to One God (Muslims, tut tut, not Arabs); Christianity is for those who believe in the Jesus Christ (Christians), Buddhism is for those who believe in the teaching of Gautama Buddha (Buddhists); so, is Judaism for those who think the Jews is the most superior people among the rest of the human kind (well, you call the followers of Judaism as Jews, right?)? Anyway, I have no authority to say anything about it because the manipulation of all these terms can change things easily. If I said, you are an extremist, then tell me, what is extreme and what is not? Where to draw the line? It is a very relative thing. For one person, doing A is extreme while for another person, doing A might be not extreme at all, depends on your world view. Likewise the word anti-semitic, um, excuse me, Arabic is also a semitic language like Hebrew, so can an Arab be anti-semitic??? Can Muslims who learn Arabic, read Arabic and master Arabic be anti-semitic??? Think again. How sad the world is to just listen to one side.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

Tag from GM

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

I really don't know how this tagging thing works and I have been avoiding to do it. However, since GM has tagged me ages ago and it's double tagging, I think I should just do it.

5 things in my bag:
1. earphone
2. my research data
3. bicycle light
4. screw driver
5. Cambridge Cycle Map

5 things in my wallet:
To be honest, I've never used a wallet ever since my secondary school, so skip that

5 things in my room:
1. files, files, files of data, documents & articles to read!
2. laptop
3. books
4. bucket
5. double duvet

5 things which I want to do:
1. finish my PhD as soon as possible
2. get married
3. travel around the world
4. study sacred knowledge with reknown shuyukh
5. do hajj

5 things which I'm doing now:
1. blogging (obviously)
2. studying PhD & tajweed
3. working as a tutor
4. voluntaring in helping to teach in the mosque
5. helping ISOC

5 persons whom I want to tag:
Since I really don't know how does this work, so whoever read it should try it, as a form of reflection on who you are by:
1. looking at the things that you have wtih you (i.e.: in your bag, wallet, room)
2. what is your priority when you are listing them
3. comparing what you are doing now and what you want to do in the future
4. finding the holes in the comparison and thinking of the room for improvement
5. who are the persons in this whole world that you want to know more of them

I hope we benefit from what we are doing.

Wassalam.

Malaysia 1: On my way home

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

This post is supposed to be written last week to tell you about my journey going back to Malaysia for a short holiday.

Whenever I am on a plane, I will try to get a window seat because I really love to gaze at the sky, the clouds and the pin-sized buildings, trees, islands & mountains on the earth. Unfortunately, for so many times fly around (especially when I was doing my first degree, flying to and forth from East Malaysia to West Malaysia) I've never had the opportunity to take a picture of the view up there. Until I bought my own second-hand camera 2 months ago. My journey on the plane from the London Heathrow Airport to Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) was 11 hours. Such a long journey. I couldn't sleep, so I ended up watching 6 movies and gazing at the sky most of the time. When I reached KLIA, I took another plane to go to Kuching. I slept the whole journey except when it's time to eat. When I got home finally, I met everyone at home, gave them their gifts and tried to find a little time to gain back my sleep. After the first day, my clock turned up side down because it's 7 hours difference between Malaysia and UK. I drove me crazy for sleeping at the time when people are getting up and stayed awake when everyone is sound asleep. This lasted for quite a few days before I got my normal sleeping hour in according to the Malaysian clock.

Stay tune for more.

Wassalam.

Salam from Malaysia

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Just a short post from Malaysia. Everything is well alhamdulillah. I was thinking that many things must have changed after 2 years not being here. Besides friends getting married and getting more children, most of the things stay the same. I'm a bit surprised but I guess this is a good thing. I managed to meet many of my family and friends here and also to visit my mum's grave. Everyone is very helpful knowing that I have limited resources here to get around and do stuff. Alhamdulillah, most of the things that I've planned are more or less completed, only that I can't really find the things that my friends in UK are asking for. So hard to find them. InshaALLAH will try my best to get them.

While I'm in Malaysia, I am deeply missing friends in UK. I just can't really imagine one day, when I finish my study in Cambridge, how would I be able to say goodbye to them all...

Wassalam.

Home sweet home... nearly there...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Finally, I finished packing last night with a suitcase borrowed from Aunty Zohra, got it really last minute. Alhamdulillah. I'm ready to go home now, though a bit worry cause the luggage might be more than 20kg. More than half of it is gifts and souvenirs! So, I will be going to London first today right after the class at the mosque. Meet some Rihla sisters at King's Cross and then will be staying at Dina's tonight so that I can get to Heathrow Airport tomorrow morning. The flight will take about 14 hours (God help me!) and then I have to take a domestic flight about another 1 and a half hour to get to my home town, Kuching. So, my journey home starts today. By the time I get to my home town, it will be the 24th! So, I'm literally travelling for about 2 days to get home, believe it or not!

I'll be in Kuching until 28th, then fly to Johor Bahru. Will be staying there until 2nd Sept. I have lots of things to do in Johor Bahru and UTM. And will be celebrating the Malaysia 50th Independent Day there too! Look at the logo below. Malaysia is young but alhamdulillah, whatever we have achieved is something that I have no complain about. We are not at the top of the world but we are unique in this world due to the surprising political stability & social harmony within a multi-ethnicity and multi-faith society. Only God knows how we maintain it. I pray that this will last forever so that the country will prosper parallel with the Islamic teaching.

From Johor Bahru, I'll move on to Kuala Lumpur and will be staying in Petaling Jaya because the main reason that I go home at this time of the year is to attend a conference at PJ Hilton (talking about the conference, I've not completed my presentation slide show yet, heck!). Right after the conference, I'll come back to UK on the 6th Sept. So, that's my 2-week holiday(?) in Malaysia after 2 years been in UK! Seriously, this is my first time going home after I've started my PhD here in Cambridge (It's too expensive to go home, not just the flight, but also to buy gifts and souvenirs!). I don't know what is my feeling at the moment: maybe nervous since many things have changed during my absence there (both my family & friends); maybe exciting since it has been a long time but I'm not really anticipating this return; maybe awkward since I've been not seeing or living with my family for so many years (since I've started my undergraduate study in UTM, back in 1999 though occasionally I go home for a few weeks for holidays but always a short one). I feel like I have a mission this time, I feel like I need to urge my family to accept what I've believed in since 5 years ago. I want them to come to the truth and pray that ALLAH will guide them to the truth. Please make du'a for them.

Finally, please also make du'a for me so that I will have a safe & easy journey home and come back to UK. May ALLAH make all my worships easy throughout the whole journey. I might not be updating this blog until I'm back. Unless I find a reasonably fast internet(!) and plenty of time, I may blog from Malaysia, but if not, till the next time.

Wassalam.

Ibn Abbas

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Ibn Abbas or known as Abdullah ibn Abbas, the son of Abbas ibn Abdul Muttalib who is the uncle of the Prophet Muhammad (saw). So, Ibn Abbas is the cousin of the Prophet (saw). He was born 3 years before the Hijrah, which was during the time of Muslims were being boycotted and camped in the outskirt of Makkah. During this boycott, Muslims were not allowed to make any business or have marriage with the people of Makkah. Hence, there was no food and no income for the Muslims for 3 whole years. Ibn Abbas was born during this hardest time of early Islam. In the Arab culture, when a baby is born, before the the baby starts to suckle, the parent will ask a respected elderly in the community to put a sweet in the mouth of the baby to suck a little bit of sweetness. It is usually a date or honey. This ceremony is called tahnik. So, when Ibn Abbas was born, his mother asked the Prophet (saw) to do the tahnik for him. But they were too poor that they can't even find something sweet to put into his mouth to suck. Eventually, the Prophet (saw) used his saliva, his blessed saliva for the tahnik. Since then, both of them were very closed to each other. How lucky Ibn Abbas is for accepting the blessed saliva of the Prophet (saw)!

Since then, he was always with the Prophet (saw). Played & learned with him. The Prophet (saw) made du'a for him and asked ALLAH to teach him the knowledge of the Qur'an. Due to this du'a that Ibn Abbas became a very knowledgeable person and the first mufasir (exegesis) of Qur'an. Even some of the greatest companions like Umar (ra) always seeked the meanings of the Qur'an from him. He lived through the time of Khulafa Ar-Rashidun until after the caliphate of Abdul Malik. He passed away in Taif when he was 70 years old. We went to visit him during the Rihla Trip.

Masjid Ibn Abbas in Taif

The inside

Below is a story related to Ibn Abbas from Sahih Muslim:

Umar used to make me (Ibn Abbas) sit with the elderly men who had fought in the Battle of Badr. Some of them felt it (did not like that) and said to Umar: "Why do you bring in this boy to sit with us, while we have sons like him?"

Umar replied "Because of what you know of his position" (i.e. his religious knowledge).

One day Umar called me and made me sit in the gathering of those people, and I think that he called me just to show them (my religious knowledge). 'Umar then asked them in my presence: 'What do you say about the interpretation of the statement of ALLAH'. (In the Qur'an, chapter 110 (The Help) Surah an-Nasr)

Some of them said: "We are ordered to praise ALLAH and ask for His forgiveness, when ALLAH's help and the conquest comes to us". Some others kept quiet and did not say anything. On that Umar asked me: "Do you say the same, O Ibn Abbas?" I replied: "No". He said: "What do you say then?" I replied: "That is the sign of the death of The Messenger (saw) which ALLAH informed him of. ALLAH said:

(O Muhammad) when comes the help of ALLAH (to you against your enemies) and the conquest (which is the sign of your death) - you should celebrate the praises of your Lord and ask for His forgiveness, and He is the One who accepts the repentance and forgives". On that Umar said: "I do not know anything about it other than what you have said".

Wassalam.

Home, home, silly girl!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

I have been planning to go back home to Malaysia (yay! finally after 2 years) since before Rihla and have already bought the tickets. It's going to be on 23rd August 2007 and come back to UK on 6th September 2007. But then, my engaged friend, she gave me a wedding photographer proposal for her wedding on 25th August 2007. She is willing to pay any fee to change my flight ticket and also provides me with accommodation & transportation to her wedding. Money is not my biggest concern, but other matters.

See, she is one of my important friends in UK that I won't want to disappoint her. If any of these sisters asked me a favour, it is really hard for me to refuse them. This is one of her biggest events of her life time, which good friend would want to miss it? Plus, I will be able to see many sisters there as well as her cute family too (they are really cute, including her grandma). I've checked that there is a ticket to Malaysia available on 26th August 2007 and am ready to change if she wishes (I've even spoken to my travel agency). I made a few istikharah, but my heart is still is too reluctant to stay. I don't know why. There are so many reasons for me to attend the wedding and I'm not really homesick plus I know that my family won't mind me delay going home for 3 days. But still, I can't make up my mind to stay.

I can't even give any valid reason for not to stay. I can only give a few excuses like - I don't think I'm worth for you to pay for as I'm not a professional wedding photographer (not even a professional photographer!) and I don't want to ruin your special day; there must be someone who can do better job than me; it will be very troublesome for you to look for accommodation for me (even to put me in your house when all your relatives come) and find me transportation to get there and to Heathrow; etc.

Alhamdulillah, today ALLAH made the decision for me (due to the istikharah, I hope). She rang me and told me that her sister-in-law will be able to take the job. She will still invite me to her wedding but it's up to me to decide either to go or not. I felt such a relief (for no reason). And basically she also has the same feeling as me because she also has problem to tell me that 'I don't need you anymore'. Poor girl! It all happened the way that ALLAH wants it to be.

Today, I was talking to Zeeniya and for some reasons, we ended up talking about my hesitation of attending the wedding. Zeeniya rang her straight after the conversation right before Dhuhr (which of course out of my knowledge and I didn't even want her to know what I've told Zeeniya). She then rang me and said:"Silly girl! Why didn't you tell me? I also don't know how to tell you. I was meant to ring you earlier today but wanted to wait until you finish your madrassah. We were in the same situation, you silly girl!". Basically, the madrassah finishes after Dhuhr everyday except Friday (which is today) and she didn't know that I don't have class today. If not has been for this reason, I would not have the chance to talk to Zeeniya first and then Zeeniya phoned her and told her about my hesitation. SubhanALLAH, how great ALLAH's plan is!

"The happiness of the son of Adam depends on his being content with what Allah has decreed for him, and the misery of the son of Adam results from his failure to pray istikharah, and the misery of the son of Adam results from in his discontent with what Allah has decreed for him."

~ Hadith narrated by At-Tirmidhi

So, yup, my plan of going home to Malaysia will stay the same, inshaALLAH. I pray that her wedding will go well.

Wassalam.

I'm back!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Such an immense experience throughout the whole Rihla, which I don't think I'll will ever forget. Full of ups and downs, trials, tribulations, reward, gratitude, bitterness and sweetness, tears and laughter, etc... All in this one single trip. I would say this is a trip of a life time after the Hajj. It is impossible for me to tell you the whole experience in just one post and I don't know if I have the time to tell all of them to you. For the time being, I can only tell you that I only have less than 1 month to go before I'm going back to Malaysia! And in this short period of time, I got lots of things to do. Starting next Monday, there will be summer Cambridge Quranic Class for the kids and it's everyday except Friday. So I'll be in the mosque every morning until Zuhr time. Then, this weekend is my friend's engagement. I wasn't meant to be there but cause I can't attend her wedding (which is when I'm back in Malaysia), so she invited me to her engagement instead. I'm sad that I can't make it to her wedding... And finally, before I get back to Malaysia, I have to do as much work on my PhD as I can, so then, when I come back to UK again, I can decide what to do when the school start.

About the Rihla, there were more than 100 of us and some great teachers - Shaykh Hamzah Yusuf, Shaykh Abdullah bin Bayyah, Shaykh Dr. Abdullah Al-Kadi, Shaykh Waleed, Shaykh Jamal Zahabi, Imam Zaid Shakir and Sidi Yahya Rhodus. This trip includes Umrah, Ziarah, visiting blessed and historical spots in Taif, Makkah and Madinah, classes and ibadah. Of course the one that I love most is Umrah. We get to do 3 umrahs from Taif. Then is the classes. We studies Ulum al-Quran, Fiqh of Minority Muslim, Fiqh of Ihsan, Refinement of the Heart (Ibn Juzair), Tafsir Surah Yassin, Asbab al-Nuzul, Fiqh of Imam Shafi'i, and some other little topics which are spiritually up-lifting. The visiting is great! If not because of Shaykh Hamzah Yusuf and Shaykh Dr. Abdullah Al-Kadi, we won't have the permission and opportunity to visit all these sights where the Prophet Muhammad (saw) had prayed and mentioned in the Quran, Hadith or Sirah . The reason is because the Saudi Government decided not to preserve all these spots due to the worried that people will start to worship all these places thinking of the barakah thus making it like a bid'ah - which is a fair reason for Wahabbism . This happens because of the lack of education among the Muslims, which is undeniable. But the fact that the government is planning to destroy some of these spots really is unreasonable. When Umar Abdul Aziz (some said that he is the 5th rightly guided caliph) decided to preserve all these blessed sights, he built a mosque in every spot that the Prophet (saw) prayed 2 rakaah. This was more than 1300 years ago. Some of the mosques were rebuilt, some were ruined, some were demolished and some become private properties. As the government has no intention to preserve them, they were all locked up and hidden. It's very sad to see these places left to be ruined by wind and storm. Only those who studied the Sirah and know exactly the significance of all these places will be able to tell us the location and how to gain access to visit. I will try to write about these places with the pictures that I have taken in the future posts, inshaALLAH.

Going to places where the Prophet (saw) has been to, we actually can feel what the Prophet (saw) has been through at his time. One of the example is like when we arrived at Jeddah, we spent a night in Jeddah and went Taif the next day. As in the Sirah, when the Prophet (saw) trying to enter Taif and spread Islam there, he was being chased out by the people of Taif, including the kids throwing stones on him until his blessed blood dripped around there. When we were trying to enter Taif, we were stopped at the check point for good 4 hours. We were unable to get into Taif due to some paper work problems (which is not a big problem but because of the police there), we were basically like the Prophet (saw), unable to enter Taif. Then, our bus broke down somewhere around Makkah on the way back to Jeddah. But alhamdulillah, we managed to get into Taif the next day after we did our first umrah.

For all the umrah first-timers like me, we were nervous and didn't really know what to do exactly. We were given a CD on the fiqh of umrah a few weeks before the trip. Sidi Yahya Rhodus also gave us a summary of what we should do for umrah, the morning before we departed from Jeddah to the Miqat in Juhfah. But still, we all thought that we were not prepared enough. I felt like entering exam hall. I've done my revision well but still think that there is something missing. Entering the Holy Mosque, walking and searching for the sight of the Ka'abah with talbiyah in my head, I was speechless when I first saw the Ka'abah. My mind went blank and I can only feel the greatness of the Ka'abah, much more massive than I've imagined it would be. My friends around me were crying but I couldn't let my tears flow, which made me feel a bit disappointed of myself. I made du'a as it is related that the du'a when we first see the Ka'abah is mustajab. We prayed maghrib and isha together looking at the Ka'abah. When I turned back to look for my friends, they have all gone into tawaf. I lost them all, so I did all the rituals by myself. Tawaf, Multazam, prayed 2 rakaah behind Maqam Ibrahim, prayed 2 rakaah in the Hijr Ismail, drank Zam Zam water and then I couldn't find Safa Hill. I got lost and went around the mosque 1 good circle until I found it. Went on to do Sa'i and went to a toilet nearby, asked a lady cleaner to cut my hair for me, and alhamdulillah, it's all done. Felt like a dream because I thought that I won't be able to complete the ritual by myself. As there was about half an hour left, I went around the whole mosque and then quickly went back to the coach and found a few sisters in the coach eating dinner at 12 midnight! And I realised that I was really hungry like I have just finished a long marathon. Some sisters came back to the coach later and get their hair cut. We then went into Taif smoothly and started the classes the next day.

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, it's a great experience and I'm grateful that ALLAH made the first umrah easy for me. I didn't find any difficulties at all except to find the door to Safa Hill. I'm blessed and I pray that ALLAH except my first umrah. One of the sisters who got lost with her group of friends, she didn't come back after we have waited for 1 hour. Two organisers went into the Haram and looked for her while we all went to Taif. They failed to find her but then she came back 2 days later. She was lost in the Haram and missed the coach to Taif and she stayed the whole time in a hotel in Makkah under the supervision of the Ministry of Hajj. Alhamdulillah, she is safe.

Wassalam.

Break until I'm back

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

I'll be going to Rihla inshaALLAH. I'll be in London tomorrow morning and stay over a night and then go to Jeddah the next morning. So, if I can't find any internet access in Saudi, I apologise for not being able to update my blog. I'll be back on 25th July. Sorry.

Mean while, please make dua for me so that I can have a safe journey and sound health to participate in all the activities there, make umrah and gain lots of benefits from this trip.

Wassalam.

Rihla here we go!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

A few days ago, we were told that there are 32 sisters who have no mahram to go to Rihla Trip have not yet granted visa. I was very worried cos I don't have one according to other Schools of Fiqh. But according to Shafi'i Fiqh, 2 trustworthy women can be my mahram, so basically I have mahram, plenty on them, alhamdulillah. Well, at least there are 3 sisters which I definitely know them and can trust them inshaALLAH.

Today alhamdulillah I recieved this email from the Rihla Trip organiser:

Dear Rihla Students,

As-salamu'Alaykum & Jummah Greetings!

I pray this finds you in the best of health, strong Iman and high spirit, amin. I am writing to you on behalf of Zeshan; just to let you know that *ALL* the UK applicants have been granted a visa successfully, Alhumdulilah. Also, Zeshan will be sending a VERY important e-mail confirming details for your departure next Thursday. Please make sure you check your e-mail, and respond promptly if required.

Jazaka'llahu Khayran,

Wasalams,

Walillahilhamd.

So, yes, I'm going on the 5th July 2007 until 26th July 2007. In between this period, if I can't find any internet, I won't be able to update my blog. Please make dua for us so that ALLAH will grant us Umrah Mabrul. Will be in London on the 4th to get to Heathrow early in the morning of 5th. Can't wait to kiss the land where the Prophet Muhammad (saw) once kissed...

Wassalam.

Life

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

I think this topic is very common but what can I say, it's sunnatullah. ALLAH has made our lives this way and remembering death is always the wisest thing to do, no doubt, as the life in this World is just like a drop of water compare to the life in the Hereafter which is like never-ending ocean. Does that make sense to you? Think about it.

Yesterday I phoned home to Malaysia and talked to my father that inshaALLAH I'm going to this Rihla Trip. He gave me the permission to go and asked me to take care of myself. And I also said I plan to go back home at the end of August, inshaALLAH. This opportunity for me to go home came to me when my paper is accepted by a conference in Malaysia in early September. With this, I can apply funding from my college and faculty. This can subsidise my travel expenses, at least. I hope my family will be happy about this too. My father, my youngest brother and sister were in Sibu to visit my eldest sister who has just gave birth of her second daughter, alhamdulillah. Now she has 2 daughter, I mean I have 2 nieces now, but I've never seen them before, only pictures. Hopefully when I go back this August, I will be able to hug them.

Later yesterday, I received a text from my sister in Klang that my maternal grandfather has just passed away. The saddest news is that there was no one with him when he breathed his last! I'm so angry about this because I didn't know that he was sent to Old Folk House. I thought he was with my maternal uncle. This was because after my mother passed away 6 years ago, we kind of not so much contact with my maternal side. Occasionally my grandfather stayed at our house and then to my uncle's house. The last time I heard about was that he was in my uncle's house. I just can't believe that he was sent to an Old Folk House. Yes, he may be grumpy and annoying, but do we not think that we were also very annoying and fussy for our parents when we were little? I pray that I won't do this to my father, inshaALLAH. I was very angry but I know I can do nothing about it. The saddest thing yet to come is that I can do nothing not because I'm in UK but the fact that he is not a Muslim! There are different opinions about making prayer for non-Muslim decease. Some said the Prophet Muhammad (saw) has done it once for the Euthopians but then there are narration that the Euthopians are Muslims. Some said it's sinful to do so because of the example of Propher Ibrahim (as) who were asking for forgiveness for his idol-worshipping father. After jumaah today, I asked Sheikh Abdal Hakim Murad or Timothy Winter about this. He gave me these 2 opinions and then I asked him which one will he follow as he himself is a revert too. He said he would go for ALLAH's attribute of the Most Merciful, that ALLAH's mercy is so vast that HE can accept his servant's prayer, in anyway, no matter how HIS servant has forsaken HIM. I wish someone can tell me what does ALLAH think about this! Anyway, whatever it is, there is always wisdom behind it. I just pray for the best for everyone and most importantly O ALLAH, please give YOUR guidance to my family who is still alive. Amin.

Life is a test, no doubt, if not why there is a Judgement Day, Hell and Paradise? You get what I'm saying? I will write about this more in the future, inshaALLAH.

Wassalam.

4 jabs in a roll!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Right, I have decided to go for this Rihla Trip inshaALLAH this July. There are 3 things that I'm most looking forward - Umrah, Ziarah to the Prophet (saw) and lectures by all these blessed & knowledgeable shuyukh. So what next?

After paying all the fees & flight tickets, I need to get all the documents ready - passport, visa application form, vaccination certificate, 4 passport sized photos & convert certificate. None is properly done yet. Passport is ready but need to make a copy for myself in case I need it in before I fly; application form is not filled in all properly yet and there is no photo attached yet; need to go and snap some passport sized photos; need to see the Imam to get a convert certificate; and finally one thing that is done is the vaccination certificate.

When I went to make an appointment with my GP yesterday to get a ACWY Meningitis Vaccination, I thought it's just going to be 1 jab. But this morning when I met the nurse, she said I need to take 4 jabs, not because I'm not healthy enough but because I've never been vaccinated before in Malaysia. She said I can take them one by one in separate days or 2 in a roll and come back again another day or take them all in a roll. So I decided to take 2 jabs and see what is going to happen to me. After the 2 little stings, I sat down and felt fine so then I asked for another 2 jabs on the same arm. She said it will affect the arm for a day after the injection, so it's better to just do it on one arm. So since I'm left-handed, I have to 'sacrify' my right arm, thinking that I won't be able to use the mouse today. But alhamdulillah, I'm fine now. The ACWY Vax is £52.50 cause it's not covered by the NHS but all the others are free so it works out to be £52.50 for 4 jabs, that's about £13.00 a jab, fair enough, don't feel too expensive for that one jab.

So, yay, got the vaccination certificate, next is the convert certificate and passport. Photos? Tomorrow maybe cause no hurry, I still got 2 weeks before the dateline.

Supervision at 3pm and a seminar at 4pm, then circle at 6.30pm. After that, is work, work, work and work! Alhamdulillah.

Wassalam.

Rabia's family visited Cambridge

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

ALLAH's plan is always the best plan and always has such a great wisdom behind every plan that he has written down for everyone of us. Al-Qadr, predestination is one of the beliefs in Islam. Believing that ALLAH is omnipotent and all-powerful, nothing is out of HIS control. Yesterday after the class in the mosque, I wasn't thinking of going anywhere until Samira asked me to go to some computer stores to look for a laptop for her. After visiting all the computer stores at Newmarket Road, I was going to go straight home. When I was passing through ASDA, I decided to go there for no reason. As I entered the store, someone grabbed me from behind and closed my eyes. I thought it's Samira but it's Rabia. Her family came from Birmingham to visit her and brought her to shop in ASDA. After the shopping, I went to her room and then we went to a walk to Grandchester. While her father and her 2 brothers were cycling, Rabia, her mum and I walked. It was a nice walk and we get to see a few interesting things. We met an Indonesian family and it turned out that the daughter is one of the students in the primary school I visited two days ago. We also saw this little boy 'cycling' a little bicycle without paddles. He is soooooo cute, mashaALLAH.

That's the boy with his paddleless bicycle, catching up her mum.

We didn't go to Grandchester at the end. On the way back to Rabia's room, we saw this poor dog which was locked in a house. It was looking out the window from the top floor, as if it is watching over the view. I hope the owner of the dog does bring it out once a day at least. It seems a very lonely dog.

Can you see the dog at the window?

As we walked passed the hosue, the dog came down and looked for us

A note about Rihla Trip: I've decided to go because my supervisor said I can't do anything at the end of this school term because the Year 11 will be having GCSE exams while the Year 10 will be having work experience. So I'm free to take holiday at that time. Today, I paid the flight and booked an appointment with my GP to get a ACWY Meningitus Vaccine Jab. If all are well, I'm off to visit ALLAH's house soon, inshaALLAH. Please make dua for me.

Wassalam.

Day Experience Research Method

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

I was involved in a study by the CARET or Centre for Applied Research for Educational Technologies to survey the use of Information and Communications Technologies or ICTs among the students in Cambridge. One of the method they use is Day Experience Research Method where each of the participant is provided by a notebook, a disposable camera and a voice recorder. I was asked to record down what I'm doing, where, when, what am I using and what do I feel at the moment that they send me a text message or SMS through my mobile phone. The time interval ranged from 30 minutes to 90 minutes. What they are interested is the ICTs stuff that I'm using, if I do. In total, they prompted me to do the recording for 10 times in 24 hours. In return, the gave me a gift card from Borders which I'm not sure how much the value is because I didn't have the time to check it out today! Too much things to do. I think Wednesday will always be a busy day for me, but alhamdulillah that's the time to learn. Like today, 2 seminars in a roll and I've realised that actually I'm not that so 'not doing enough' for my PhD. I was worried the whole time that if I have collected enough data for my study, enough students, etc. but after listening to my colleagues works, I realise that, we are about the same, alhamdulillah. What really matter is the way we are going to present the data in out thesis later on.

Yesterday, I sent some tokens of gift to the teacher and students involved in my research. I hope they will excel in their GCSE this year. Talking about GCSE, I'm taking one paper tomorrow in Islamic Studies. It's tomorrow morning and I'm still not quite prepared yet because I was busy sorting out the accommodation for a French girl. Alhamdulillah, that's sorted out. So, tonight, I'll be concentrating at the GCSE. Please make dua for us.

I also did manage to do lots yesterday because my bicycle was punctured! Sent to the workshop yesterday and when I was walking down to get my bicycle, I met some Malaysians and started talking to them. By the time I reached the workshop, it's close! Anyway, that was a good chat because I met my secondary school Principal! He is a non-Muslim and when I was in the school, I wasn't a Muslim yet, he is a little shocked to meet me but he has already heard the 'rumour' that I have converted a few years ago. I'm happy that he still recognised me though he has never been teaching me.

So, I think that's it for today, tomorrow will be a BIG day, I hope I don't end up doing worse than my students in the mosque. Dua, please, dua.

Wassalam.