Conversion

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

In less than 2 weeks, two friends finally took the shahadah and chose the path of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) towards ALLAH. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, ALLAHUakbar. I know them for quite a while and they have been consistently following the practice of Islam and joining ISOC activities. Both of them wanted Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad to be the witness of their conversion and had the blessing of Friday to come into this blessed religion, the way of life that ALLAH says in the Qur'an:

Surely the religion with ALLAH is Islam...

~ The Holy Qur'an, Surah Ali Imran (Chapter 3, The Family of Imran), verse 19.

The first sister took the shahadah at Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad's house with the presence of her mum. I feel so good to know that her mum actually blesses her decision even she is not inclined to Islam, yet. InshaALLAH, one day she will receive guidance from ALLAH with the prayer of her daughter. With this, the community of reverts in Cambridge is getting bigger. The good news is that, there is at least one conversion every year took place in Cambridge. This year we have two and hopefully more in the future. And these new sisters were Christians before this.

Talking about Christianity, yesterday I went to a dialogue between Christian and Muslim. I came because I really want to ask a Christian scholar the concept of Trinity because I honestly am very confused about it and have tried to ask friends to explain it to me, but I am still very confused. After the explanation by this Syrian Christian, I became more confused because during the explanation, he said that this doctrine is not written in the Bible or the text of the Apostles of Jesus but it's a product of the Christian Theologians (a few centuries later?). And during the explanation, he kept attacking Islamic concept which has no relevance to the concept of Trinity, such as the concept of eternity of the words of ALLAH (which is not something crucial to the creed of the muslims, the important concept is tawhid - oneness of God). Anyway, the more he explained, the more I'm confused and I can understand why more and more Christian friends either choose to be less practising or become muslims. This paragraph by no way to talk down Christianity, it might be just my incapability to understand the concept of Trinity and out of ignorance of Christianity that I said so.

Another concept of original sins and salvation on the Day of Judgement by just believing in the crucifixion of Prophet Jesus also doesn't seem appealing for me. A new born baby is so pure and sinless, how can the merciful God set sins on the baby before even he/she can survive by him/herself? How can sins be a kind of inheritance from our forefather? If salvation is guaranteed to all who believe in the sacrifice of Prophet Jesus on the cross, why are the Christians taught to ask for repentance, more so during the services in churches? Everyone should be responsible for their own actions. We earn our own rewards and sins, no one else can be accountable for other's action.

Anyway, I have more doubts about these few concepts in Christianity after attending the talk. I pray that ALLAH will guide me to the straight path, as well as all those sincere people who only wish for good for themselves and others.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

p/s: sincere apology if there is anyone felt offended with this post, I have no intention to insult any followers of certain doctrines, it's just that I couldn't accept it after openly research and discuss about it.

She's gone

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

My grandma has breathed her last this morning peacefully. Unlike my mum who struggled to breathe her last, my dad and sisters told me that my grandma departed peacefully. And today is Friday, a blessed day.

Questions remain as to what is my attitude as a muslim toward my grandma who claimed herself to be a Buddhist, a vegetarian Buddhist who believed in at least a God. There are arguments that a muslim should not pray for forgiveness for a non-muslim. This maybe quoted from the Quran when Prophet Ibrahim (as) prayed for forgiveness for his father.

"It is not (fit) for the Prophet and those who believe that they should ask forgiveness for the polytheists, even though they should be near relatives, after it has become clear to them that they are inmates of the flaming fire. And Ibrahim asking forgiveness for his sire was only owing to a promise which he had made to him; but when it became clear to him that he was an enemy of Allah, he declared himself to be clear of him; most surely Ibrahim was very tender-hearted forbearing."

~ The Holy Qur'an, Surah at-Tawbah (Chapter 9, The Repentance) verses 113-114

It is described very clearly in Surah Mariam (verses 42-50) and Surah Al-An'am (verses 74-81) that Prophet Ibrahim's father was a clear polytheist. As we know that no one will know the true belief of anyone else because there is no way that we can judge someone's faith (only ALLAH and the Prophets who were given the guidance by ALLAH can see someone's faith and what is hidden in the heart), how can we know if someone is believing or not? Someone at one point might not believe but who knows when the person is near his/her death, will ALLAH give him/her the guidance at that crucial moment of life? Seriously, no one knows except ALLAH. Whatever the person claims about him/herself, we will take it as correct. If a muslim said he/she is a muslim, then we believe so. This applies to non-muslim as well.

So, can I pray for my grandma? I don't know. Clearly, I don't know her faith after a long while I didn't see her. But I know that she was a Buddhist. Those that destine to Hell Fire forever are those who reject (kafir) and hypocrites (munafiq). Not all non-muslims are kafirun. Imam al-Ghazali said that if a non-muslim has not been told about the beauty and true teaching of Islam, it is unlikely that he/she will be judged on the Day of Judgement as a kafir. This is simply because he/she has never REJECTED Islam since he/she doesn't know what is the real teaching of Islam. Of course, we won't know what will happen to these people but surely ALLAH with HIS names ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim which carry the same connotation of merciful, gracious, kind, loving, benevolent, etc. is the Most Merciful of all. HE uses these two beautiful names the most frequent in the Qur'an - Bismillahi-Rahman-i-Rahim. And in a hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) said that ALLAH's mercy encompases HIS wrath. HE still has mercy to those who reject HIM by providing sustainance for them to live in this World.

Will HE be merciful to my grandma and mum who I don't know if they had ever come across the real teaching of Islam? In the Qur'an, in several places, ALLAH says,

Yes! whoever submits himself entirely to Allah and he is the doer of good (to others) he has his reward from his Lord, and there is no fear for him nor shall he grieve.

~ The Holy Qur'an, Surah al-Baqarah (Chapter 2, The Cow) verse 112

This verse doesn't just apply to the muslims, but also others like the Jews, the Christian, the Sabian, etc. Of course, I don't know what actually will be the correct situation. According to some scholars (e.g., Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad), ALLAH's mercy is there for us to ask. Ultimately, HE will decide and judge in the most just manner on the Day of Judgement. Think about this, if there is a muslim who has never done a good deed and there is a non-muslim (I'm not talking about kafir) who always does good deeds and well-known for his/her kindness, who deserves rewards on the Day of Judgement? Of course, it would be better if he/she submits to ALLAH and does good deeds.

Of all the arguments that I have read and asked from scholars, the answers are:

1. No, because they are not muslims and you can't pray for them, even if they are your kins
2. No, but you can pray for their guidance if they are still alive
3. No, but you don't know how vast ALLAH's mercy is, maybe HE will accept your supplication
4. Yes, because ALLAH is so merciful and they are your kins who had been responsible in taking care of you and bringing you up, and they have never been shown the true teaching of Islam (hence have never been kafirun), surely ALLAH is not going to foresake your cry for the good of these people that have bring you up and now that you are a muslim
5. Yes, because you can't judge their faith and only ALLAH knows. Just ask from ALLAH.

One very interesting answer that I received was when I went to Rihla 2007 and had the chance to ask Shaykh Abdalla bin Bayyah. He said (I hope I have paraphrased it correctly), what is going to happen in the Akhirah, no one knows. We don't even know if the kinship and tie between mother and daughter will still remain. Whatever that is in this World, we can try our best to do what is good and right but in the Akhirah, it is no longer in our slightest control. What is important now is what we are doing in this World and what will happen in the Akhirah to anyone else, seriously, cannot be in our concern.

I don't have a concrete conclusion but I can only hope for the best for myself and those who I care and love.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

Departure

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

No, not yet but soon inshaALLAH. I hate departure, I hate leaving people and I feel worse if people leave me. I feel more painful if someone leaves me but less if I am leaving others. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I feel an emptiness if some I love and care of left me. Maybe it's because when I am leaving, there are more challenges and problems for me to face and think of on my journey and arriving at a new place. Anyway, I know I will soon face another great departure in my life.

I think we can divide departure in my life into two types. The first one is death. That's when my mum left us 8 years ago. That is among the worst time of my life. I can still vividly remember the moment she slipped away from us on the bed at the cancer unit. That is still affecting me everytime I thought about it and soon I know that another departure will come when my grandma is going to leave us soon. She is now in the hospital. She didn't wake up since Friday but her heart rate, blood pressure and respiration are all normal. The doctor said she will not live long and I am gutted that I won't be able to see her now. She is very old and has been through a very tough life. This is what makes her strong and she manages to endure the pain and illness for these many years. For her to depart from this world in a peaceful and painless manner, I think it is the best for her. No one is particularly sad at home because it is really a good way for her to go. I hope that in her heart she believes in one God and attains salvation in the hereafter.

The second type of departure is leaving a place forever or move to live in a different place. This happens to me twice. First was when I moved from my hometown to pursue my first degree in another town. I had to get a plane to travel there. I didn't feel sad at all but just exciting. It's only the first night at the hostel that I finally cried by myself missing home. After that, there were just so many things happened that I didn't have the time to think anything else. My second time was when I left Malaysia to do my PhD here in Cambridge. It was sad when I know that I am going to leave the people that I love. Tears bursted out not out of sadness but fear that I won't be able to see them again. I didn't feel sad when I arrived here because of so many problems and difficulties that I have to face here when I have arrived. My friends sent me off at the Senai airport and I travelled alone to Kuala Lumpur and to London Heathrow. Upon my arrival at Heathrow airport, a sister whom I have never met before picked me up to her house, gave me some useful culterly and sent me off to a bus stop at Guildford and caught a coach to Cambridge. Here, two brothers picked me up from the bus station and sent me to New Hall.

I know soon I will be facing another one. I don't know how am I going to face this one. I keep telling myself that it's just another departure and inshaALLAH I'll come back to see my friends again here in the future. But that doesn't help to make me feel any better. Inevitably I will feel sad for losing people that I love but I think there is a lesson to learn. A friend gave me this message:

When God takes something from your grasp, He is not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

What I need to do is to look forward for things that are coming, for there is God's Grace there. Of course, I will not forget the good memories of those who I have left. Friendships and sisterhood is something that I treasures that most. There is no way that I will want to break the ties but I know that to keep the ties as tight as I am here will not be possible when I have left. People always say friendship is forever, it's true in some sense but the intensity will never be the same forever. Another lesson that I have learnt from all these departures are that if we are talking about forever, there will never be a 'forever' for the matters of this World and with humans. The only eternity is ALLAH. Probably, the lesson to draw from departures is that we come to the conviction that ALLAH is the only one that will stay forever, be there for us forever and will never leave us forever. No matter how much we love someone or other loves us, they can't stay with us forever, if not mobility at least death. ALLAH in the first place has not been given life and of course HE will not die, so HE is the only being that will stay forever and ultimately the closest to us. Hence, the ultimate love for a human is to ALLAH, if one is to attain true happiness.

Oh ALLAH, The Eternal, fix my heart, my love and myself to YOU so that I won't be sad on every departure in my life again, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

Submitted!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, all praises due to ALLAH, the Lord of the Universe. By HIS Grace, I've finally submitted my thesis to the Board of Graduate Studies yesterday. It's a burden off my shoulders but there is a bigger test to come - viva-voce examination, which will be scheduled on 12 May 2009 inshaALLAH. Lot's to prepare before the viva, please make dua for me.

Wassalam.

Thesis

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

After more than a year of writing and correcting and editing, (not yet finally) I printed out my first draft of thesis 2 weeks ago for my supervisor to do the final check of the contents of my thesis. When I printed out the whole thesis and sent it to binding, suddenly it knocked me that - this looks like a thesis! I didn't know what to think but kept telling myself that there is still a long way before the end. I still need to wait for the corrections, make the corrections, send it for proof reading to check the grammar, spelling, etc., binding, submission, viva, corrections after viva (hopefully can skip this bit) and hard-binding. Yeah, still a long way to go.

When I gave it to my supervisor, he emailed me back and said that this looks like a thesis. And on the day when he returned me the thesis with corrections during a mini-viva session, he said it looks like a thesis and he read like a thesis. But the viva wasn't that good because I was not assertive and aggressive enough to explain my stances. So, need to work on that. 

After corrected the thesis, I printed out everything including the title page, abstract, table of contents, appendices, etc. it then looks like a real thesis, only without binding. I posted it to a friend who can do a proper proof reading for me last week, inshaALLAH I'll see her this Friday to go through all the corrections. And after that inshaALLAH the thesis will be submitted. I am looking at either Monday or Tuesday of next week to submit the thesis.

What next? Really it depends on my sponsor. I either pack and go back to Malaysia and come back again for my viva which is scheduled on 12 May 2009 or I stay here until my viva and submission of the hard-binding thesis. My sponsor has not made any decision. This might be the last few days for me to be in the UK or I will stay on until my viva.

I would like to stay simply because it let me have more time and focus to prepare for my viva. I still have a lot to read and study before the viva because the viva is not just testing what I have written in my thesis but also what I should know about the field and the broader areas of the field. Yes, it is still a long way to go. 

Wassalam.

Long Distance Run

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

I don't know if you ever tried to do a long distance run. The longest race that I have ever participated is the 4km cross country race when I was doing my undergraduate in Malaysia. It took me about 24 minutes to complete the race and of course with that time, I didn't get to the top 3. I don't run anymore but I still love jogging and now cycling. The last time I did a proper endurance cycling was a 20-mile cycling practice. That took me about 1 hour and a half to complete. 

When I was running or cycling for a long distance, I know that I need to keep my energy enough to reach the finishing line, hence I will not be speeding in the beginning but it is important to get a head start to keep the pressure on others and book myself a better position. When the finishing line is within my sight, with all the energy left, I will rush to the end.

I thought my PhD is the same case as I am doing the long distance run. I started off quite fast though not rushed but still keeping myself ahead of most of my colleagues. But now I am near to the finishing line, I can see it and even taste a bit of it, but I just couldn't drag myself to the line. I thought maybe I have used too much energy in the beginning thus feeling burnt out at the moment but seeing a few of my colleagues have finished, I started to question myself, am I still running or just walking towards the finishing line. Don't get me wrong, we don't try to compete with each other, more so, we encourage each other.

I am walking and walking, sometimes taking a rest on the side and watch someone else running past me. Then I try to run again, but I can't catch my breath that I have to take a rest and walk again. Now that, the sun is going to set soon and the crowd and judges will have to leave, I have no choice but to try to get to the finishing line before the sun sets.

If you ask me do I want to finish the race, I am absolutely positive about it. If you ask me will I get there before the sun sets, I will inshaALLAH get there but I am not sure if I can break my personal best record. Too much of a perfectionist. That's my problem.

ALLAHU'alam.

Wassalam.

Experience Islam Week 2009

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Experience Islam Week 2009 here we go again. Hopefully it will be a success and inshaALLAH many many more non-muslims will come to learn and love Islam, and many more muslims will come closer to ALLAH through this event.

More information on here.

Wassalam.