A Pakistani wedding

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

This is the first time I attended a Pakistani wedding and have the opportunity to witness almost everything because I was with the bride all the time on that day. I don't know how this happened. Basically, I should be at home doing my work but this Rihla sister who I only met during Rihla and become so close yet hardly see each other after the Rihla begged me to attend her wedding. There are a few reasons. Firstly, she has been talking to me regarding the marriage proposal process since a few months ago and probably she found support from me (I don't really give any advice, maybe cause I got some spare free minutes to give her an ear to listen to her dilemma). Secondly, she needs a photographer (of course I'm not a good one, just cause I have a nice second-hand D-SLR, it takes better pictures than conventional digital cameras) and she doesn't want any of her friends and relatives to take and keep any of her pictures. Not that she doesn't trust any one of them, but if she let one take pictures, the rest will want to. So she banned camera at her wedding. Also, it's because her husband's family made the same request. You see, her husband family is 'hard-core' muslims which another Rihla sister said, it's the next level!

Ok, enough of reasons why I went all the way to Birmingham last saturday at 5.51am to attend the wedding and came back at the evening, the same day. I even took a day off the mosque which I usually won't do. This sister is very precious to me, I don't know how to explain it but I know that she is mashaALLAH a very pious sister who puts ALLAH and Prophet Muhammad (saw) above anything, even herself. Probably the love to ALLAH and HIS Messenger (saw) is the only reason that brings us together.

I don't know anyone there and I went there alone. She made me feel very comfortable with all the strangers around by making sure that I am always next to her. When I arrived at her house, a beautician was doing make-up for her (she is a very simple sister and this is the first time she has this much make-up on her) and she let no one into her room except me, and her sisters who came in once in a while to take stuff cause that's their room. She has lots of cousins, I mean a lot, countless because many of her family members marry among cousins. I remember while sitting at the long table eating, I was surrounded by her cousins. And whenever I introduced myself and then asked them who they are, they said they are her cousins, cousins, and cousins, and occasionally aunties who happen to be the cousins of her parents! This is part of Pakistani culture, not that they like to marry to close relatives but you can only give your daughters out to a family that you trust and know well. For my friend to marry someone out of her own tribe, it took a long process and that's why she always talked to me whenever thing went wrong before both their parents agreed upon this marriage.

I took some pictures of her and when the groom arrived, we peeked from the window and she asked me to take some pictures of the men waiting out there. Just to let you know that her family and her husband's family are very islamic, but this does not apply to all their relatives. She lives on a street where most of her relatives live. So her next door is her uncle's house. What they did is that they made her house into a sisters house and next door a brothers house. All the ladies including guests and kids who stick to their mums sat in her house while the men next door. So, when the groom arrived, the men greeted him and brought all the male guests to next door while the ladies into her house. This is the same at the reception hall. Proper segregation.

Next, her father, uncle and other 2 witnesses came up to her room to ask for her consent to get married. Later, all the men went to a mosque to make the akad nikah while she phoned her brother at the mosque to get a live telecast of the declaration and khutbah. And she is officially married! Then, we covered her in jilbab and duppata to get into her father's car and headed to the reception hall. She sat in the ladies section with all her beautiful lengga and jewelry while friends and relatives came to greet her. I have no idea what happened in the men section but in the ladies section, we have more than 600 guests. How do I know? Well, there were 5 long tables that can sit in 24 people each. When guests come, whoever got the seat will be served with starters, then main courses, then dessert. When the dessert came, those who sat around the hall will stand near the tables and waited for empty chairs while the tables were being cleaned. This process happened 5 times.

When it's time to close the hall (the reception was 12 noon to 4pm), we covered the bride again and got on the car and headed home. Then it's what the Pakistani call the Rukhsati. This is when the bride bids farewell to the family and sends off with the husband's family. She has already packed all her stuff and she wore her hijab properly, covered with her big jilbab and another white cloth over her face so that the men won't be able to see her beautiful face with all the make-ups and jewelry. We loaded her husband's car with her 3 suitcases while she went down to meet all her families and friends. This is the saddest moment and everyone cried. At this moment, I stopped following her because there were too many people surrounding her. I only have the chance to bid farewell to her when she was already in the car.

This is Pakistani culture cause if you can imagine in the old days in Pakistan, when it is difficult to travel and lodge, the husband family can only come for the wedding and bring the bride home. There's no place for big families to stay and the journey is difficult to make. So, the easiest way is to bring the bride home with all her belongings as soon as the wedding is over. This is the first time I witnessed such a wedding and honestly, I didn't get the chance to even meet the husband because of the segregation and how strict they are to keep everything as halal as possible. The next day will be the walimah for the husband's side but I won't go cause this is enough for me and I have class at the mosque the next day.

Now that she is married and gone to live with her in-laws, I hope she will be able to adjust herself with the new environment. I can't imagine this happens to me because you basically hardly know your in-laws yet on the day after your wedding, you pack all your stuff and move to this 'strangers' house and start your new life there! I pray that everything will be good for her and may ALLAH bestow her and her family with happiness and blessing, and may ALLAH keep this relationship until they go to the Paradise together with lots of their offspring. Amin.

Wassalam.