Preparing to hibernate...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

Don't get me wrong, it is not the preparation for winter. It is to hibernate myself from all the social events that I have been enjoying for the past two years in Cambridge. I have been always living in an active life style ever since my secondary school. I am a person who doesn't know how to sit still. I'm constantly thinking, working, planning, doing, evaluating, judging, trying, etc. In my secondary school, when I was in my Form 4, I was involved in more that 6 societies in the school and organised other major events for the school like camps, formal ceremonies, etc. It was a tiring year but very fulfilling. I eventually slowed down after my mum showed her anger of me not staying at home as much as I should as a 17-year-old girl!

When I went to the university, leaving my family to stay in the hostel for the first time, my life became more active than ever. Beside studies, of course, the rest of my time is activities, activities & activities. I knew in and out of everything that happened in my college, faculty and even university. Not through gossips but really what I saw and heard first-hand from the people involved. It was a valuable experience as it shaped me into who I am now. I began to think more maturely, all-rounded and more humbly because seeing other people trying to be proud of themselves for what they have done, they actually have no idea how many things are happening out there. I myself too, who might know more than them in some aspects, still have lots more stuff that I don't know. My life changed at the last year of my university after my mum passed away and later when I embraced Islam as my way of life.

As I moved on to the world of employment, I still carried on my active personality. My colleagues commented me as a person that can be seen everywhere in the school and then faculty where I worked. It's only when I was disappointed about some matters that I will be seen sitting still on my desk. I don't mind to be bullied with work loads of others so long as they don't burden me. In fact, it's a good opportunity for me to learn. Working from the lowest level, I learned how the bureaucratic system works. I know what should I do when I have to deal with them in the future. Seeing from their perspective will help me and them to work out things more efficiently.

Now, I am on study leave to do my PhD abroad. Bearing in mind of my responsibility and contract with my employer who is also my sponsor, I keep on busying myself with the extra-curriculum activities in the university. Working through these two years on my study as well as Islamic Society (ISOC), I have never regretted of the time that I have spent. It is a truly paradigm-shifting experience for me. I made more friends who are not just friends but inspirations, assistants, spiritual-companions, advisors, and most of all sisters. They are always there for you when you need them. If these friendships (or rather sisterhood) were bought through all the activities that I have involved in ISOC, I would say, I have not paid enough to buy them. What I have done in ISOC over these two years were mainly emailing, attending circles, participating in ISOC major events and sisters gathering, and then later organised some of them myself or with the help of others after I have figured out how things here work.

The main motivation for me to get active in the school was to get into university as it is one of the main criteria in Malaysia for a non-native student after academic achievement. Later, the reason changed to represent non-native students in the college. And then, when I was working, it is all about gaining extra knowledge and experience for the use of future. But now, it is to make more friends (life friends) and make them happy for the sake of ALLAH. I will smile to see sisters smiling. This is the biggest motivation for me to keep on moving.

Unfortunately, to keep this going, it's time consuming. I have one more year left in Cambridge to complete my PhD and then go home. Like it or not, I have to focus all my time just to do my PhD now. After a PhD seminar yesterday, I have realised that, the time is way ahead of me now. I will have to keep all my desire to do a lot of things for ISOC and the sisters. So, today, I am announcing that I will be hibernating from things that do not concern with my PhD study. I will still keep on with the teaching in the mosque until they find proper teachers to take my place. Whatever events in Cambridge that are spiritually developing, I will still spend some time to attend them. Other than these, my life is all about PhD.

I know it's going to be difficult for me for restraining myself to not to think of the sisters and participate in many of the coming events in ISOC. It will be hard to not to cycle around Cambridge and visit the sisters randomly; it will be hard to not to see the sisters as frequent as I like at ISOC events; it will be hard to not to hit 'reply' whenever I read funny emails from the sisters; it will be hard to not to forward interesting emails and articles to the sisters; it will be hard to not to even check hermes & facebook as frequent as I like (glad that there is not internet connection at home at the moment, so no need to keep on refreshing!). Hey, how can there be success without sacrifice? I hope I'm not sacrificing to much here. I pray that whatever I miss for the purpose of my PhD for the sake of ALLAH, will be compensated for the success of my PhD and my life later.

So, I won't be blogging as much as I was. I'm sorry to say so, but please make du'a for me so that ALLAH make it all easy for us and grant us success.

Wassalam.